Just a Daisy in the Meadow

“Troubles have come again and again like waterfalls . . . Your waves are crashing all around me . . . The Lord will command His loving kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me . . .” Psalm 42:7-8

Again and again I fall.  Words with my son end into a cascading argument . . . and keeps recurring . . . Why does this particular child and I keep finding ourselves in this troubling heartache . . .If only I were perfect and he was always in the wrong . . . not that I want him to be in the wrong, but why do I, who “has” the Lord’s enabling GRACE keep stumbling and tripping on the same rocks???

“We have this treasure from God . . . but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure.  This SHOWS that the power is from God and not from us . . . We have TROUBLES on every side, but we are not defeated.  We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living.  We are persecuted, but God does not leave us.  We are hurt sometimes, but not destroyed.  We carry the DEATH OF JESUS in our bodies so that the LIFE OF JESUS can also be seen in our bodies that die.”

Isaiah 59:1  “Surely the Lord’s power is enough to save you. He can hear you when you ask for help.”

Psalm 12:5-7  ” . . .  I will give  (Aimee) the help that  (she) wants (Oh, Lord, enable me).  The words of the Lord are PURE words, like silver tried in a furnace of earth, PURIFIED SEVEN TIMES.  You shall keep (her), O Lord.  You shall PRESERVE her from this generation forever.”

I’m holding my breath . . . BUT MY NEWBORN IS A WEEK OLD AND NO COLIC YET!!!! If I remember right all my others had it by now . . . Anyway, THANK-YOU, GOD for these few days without it!!!! It’s like caring for a doll with no colic!!

HER LITTLE SHADOWS

I saw a young Mother with eyes full of laughter
And two little shadows come following after.
Whenever she moved They were always right there,
Holding unto her skirts Hanging unto her chair
Before her behind her An adhesive pair…

Don’t you ever get weary as day after day
Your two little tag along’s get in your way ?
She smiled as she shook her pretty young head
And I’ll always remember the words that she said
It’s good to have shadows that run when you run
That laugh when you’re happy and hum when you hum
For you only have shadows when your life’s filled with sun !!!

- Unknown – Borrowed from a friend

Lily Hope arrived safely on October 25, 2011.

So many welcoming arms . . .

Ahhh, these little ones bring so much joy and happiness to our hearts . . .

Living in some of the best years of our lives . . .

This morning God convicted me of my complaining . . . Turning my life over again to live for the will of God . . .

“Therefore, since Christ SUFFERED IN HIS BODY, arm YOURSELVES also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, BUT RATHER FOR THE WILL OF GOD. ” I Peter 4:1&

And again . . . I’ve been thinking and complaining in my heart and voicing some of my thoughts about all the pains we moms have to suffer and wondering why out loud and one of my children piped up, “Mom, you know, the curse” . . . But still I was questioning God, why does life have to be this hard . . . This morning God gave me these verses also and in case you might like to meditate on them too, here they are . . .

If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking t he very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with THE STRENGTH GOD PROVIDES, SO THAT IN ALL THINGS GOD MAY BE PRAISED THROUGH JESUS CHRIST . . . so then THOSE WHO SUFFER ACCORDING TO GOD’S WILL (thinking of child birth here ) SHOULD COMMIT THEMSELVES TO THEIR FAITHFUL CREATOR AND CONTINUE TO DO GOOD.” . . .

and further down . . .

Cast all your anxiety on Him because HE CARES FOR YOU . . . And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, AFTER YOU HAVE SUFFERED A LITTLE WHILE, will HIMSELF RESTORE YOU AND MAKE YOU STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. I Peter 5 :10&11

Oh, yes . . . I’m in need of contentment . . . this pregnancy stage gets lengthy and one becomes weary of the journey long before the journey’s end.  Some days I don’t mind it to much,other days like the last couple I came through that had a few health complications just make me think that “I don’t ever want to be pregnant again!” . . . but then it eases, and God sustains and when baby comes he\she is the dearest little thing and it is worth all the pain and sacrifice.

The thought came to me this afternoon that I am like a duck sittin’ on a  nest . . .  I long to get up and enjoy the freedom of not being “tied down” and “tired out”  by my pregnant body, but that’s not an option.  I’m in this state and I’m am trying to learn to be content in it . . . and at times it’s quite a hard lesson.

So yesterday even though the temp felt quite warm I pulled out the yarn . . . God gives us such beautiful gifts and one of them is the colors and textures and fun one can have with yarn.  I’m not sure what I’m gonna make, right now I’m untangling some dark green wool yarn I got for a bargain at the last rummage sale I stopped at.  Today I searched for a basket to hold my treasures close by my “nest” . . . I think that sitting on the nest and sitting on the couch are almost synonymous at least in my stage of the game.

Yeah . . . Somehow it’s just easier to post pictures rather than take some time to gather my thoughts together and get them to come out in something other than a busy jumble . . . Got the rest of the crew at the kitchen table playing a science game, or at least trying to figure out how to play it at this moment.  Japheth is at a meeting . . . He’s on the planning committee for a pregnancy center that’s in it’s very beginning stages of getting started.  Okay, think I’ll forget this post and go help the game get going . . . Sounds like some supervision is needed . . . So there ya go . . . all the words I have right now!

Ahhh, so often,  I respond in frustration and anger and loud words I regret . . .  I try to do better, I repent, I pray  . . . but it keeps happening over and over and over again no matter how determined I am to stop this unChristlike behavior.  And the days fly by and I am still  not the mother I wish to be, that God has called me to be . . . and I read this and somehow it helps me . . . I understand more fully what exactly in going on and what I am doing and I am challenged and inspired and being renewed in the spirit of my mind and I think it is making a difference in my life . . .

So here is a portion of Ann Voskamp’s book “1,000 Gifts” . . . ( I wish I could buy and give out her books to everyone I meet . . . )

“Why?”  My mother-anger could crack vases.  He’s smirking.

“Why,would you throw that at him?”  I’m too shrill, too gaped, too blind-white angry . . .  I’m mad.  I’d like to will myself out of it but the blood is pounding loud in my ears and the sons clash at each other with dagger eyes. Why?  Can I just go back to the moon and brazen glory?  Wind and trees and sky wake me and I’m Peter on the mountaintop, stirring to see The Glory in all it’s God-radiance, stammering  out that it’s good to be here; let’s build shelters and never depart (Luke 9:28-36).  But there’s always the descent from the mount.  The meeting of the crowd, the complaining, the cursing.  Obvious and immediate transfigurations, faces that once changed appearances.  We betray Who we know.  Didn’t Peter?

. . .A boy drives a plate hard back down the table at his brother.  And God tries to gently drive the words of Cuassade from the knowing of my head to the bleeding of the heart:

‘You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and the tedious annoyances really are.  You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more or less than blasphemies – though that never occurs to you.  Nothing happens to you except by the will of God and yet (God’s) beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is.’

A blasphemer.

I pull out a chair from the table, sink down.  The sunflower heads have turned low.  The Tall-Son is chewing toast too loud at the other end of the table.  What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift?  Why deprive myself of joy’s oxygen?  The swiftness and starkness of the answer startle. Because you believe in the power of the pit.  Really?  I lay my head on the table.  Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love?  That Satan’s way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus’ way?  . . .

This poor blog . . . (sigh).  I could just write a few words . . . If I can get my mind in gear here.    Each day is a roller coaster of meals, school books, dirty floors, laundry and tiredness topped off with sweet notes from the children, soft baby skin, baby jabber, learning new songs, hiding God’s Word in our hearts, piano keys dancing away and sunshine and spring and new hope . . .

I think these are the best days . . . if I have time to think about it . . . and as long as I can keep my head above water we are doing ok.

I’m counting God’s gifts . . . and trying to live in the specialness of the moment . . .and spring is such beauty.  One brave pussy willow pushing out hope . . .cheering us on . . . And meditating on Noah, one person CAN make a difference . . . and the cloud of witnesses that are witnessing our journey . . . Am I remembering that each moment of each day is being recorded? . . . Am I keeping those “little” sins repented of? . . . Am I doing all I can for God’s kingdom? . . . in praising and giving thanksgiving, in being cheerful and ungrudging in hospitality, in being an example of joy in the mundane? . . .

God is the God Who Is Enough!  God is the God Who Cares.  God cares enough to keep track of the number of our hairs, He has to care about more important things in my life than that, but He has enough time and energies He’s letting me know that He hasn’t forgotten about me and the things that bring worry to my day . . . God is so Wonderful?  Did you ever hear of any other God caring like that? or even being alive to care?????

God, You are Beautiful!  You are spring!  You are our hope and encouragement, our Light on dark days and our joy on sad days . . . You just ARE.  The I AM in each moment . . .

I pray for my children to be cheerful, responsible young men and ladies . . . to love the Lord their God with ALL their heart, soul and body!!!  What more can I ask for?  My hearts desire if for my family to grow up in Him and choose Him!!!

The clock ticks each moment by . . . The days run together in a blur . . . The children are growing up . . . and my time with them is limited . . . Will I have done what counts, what it takes? . . . That is the question . . .

Here are a few pics that were on the camera all summer . . .

Summer is almost just a memory anymore.

My bookworm . . .

Sweet dew . . . so fresh . . .

And one of the best sights a mom can see . . .

The joy on their faces . . . the thrill of living . . . the throb of love . . .